Mother, I Love You

"Mother, I love you. Mother, I do.
Father in Heaven has sent me to you.
When I am near you, I love you hear you
Singing to softly that you love me too."

Copyright @1969 by Lorin F. Wheelwright

Nothing can tug at my heart strings more than my children offering their tokens of love: hugs and kisses, notes slide under the bathroom door, the bouquet of dandelions scattered across the counter, the whispered "I love you's", the precious handmade gifts brought home from school...

I suppose that my own mother has the same recollections of our love tucked away somewhere in her memories. It's difficult to say since she doesn't seem to recognize us anymore, at least not consistently. I do hope that somehow she remembers that we love her, though.

That wasn't always the case. I can remember feeling all kinds of emotion about my mother that had nothing to do with love. I remember being angry with her for keeping my father away while we were young (note: it was his doing, not hers - I realize that as an adult). I remember being jealous that she always made sure she had the things she wanted, while often we children made do. I remember envying her creative writing and musical talents. I remember being angry with her for her failure to protect her children from being molested. I remember being frustrated that she was stubborn and willful and refusing to listen to reason when it came time for assistive care for her various illnesses. I remember being downright pissed off when she elected to begin manipulating her children against each other. There are days I even hate her still for never really being a mother to us. But when it comes right down to it, even with all of the hurt and anger, I love her.
In her own way she taught me much about mothering, albeit more from a "what not to do" standpoint. Even so, I'm grateful for the lessons she provided.

I will always be that little girl who loves her mother and is wanting so much to hear her sing softly that she loves me too. I think she does.

Mother, I love you.