I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way

It’s interesting to me the various comments I’ve heard when folks find out that we made a co-parenting decision to home school the kids beginning in the fall of 2006. People who know me heard many rants about how I would never let my kids be home schooled, how wrong it was to have a non-teaching certified adult being placed in charge of their education, how I thought the kids would be under challenged, etc. I’m now hearing many of those same rants and comments from people outside our family. When I say “our family” I’m referring to myself, my ex-husband, his wife and the 4 (ours/theirs) children. Trust me, it was a very weird thing to me to sit down and have a family meeting with the 7 of us. But it was probably one of the most important decisions we’ll have to make as a family.

I was a naysayer. No way, no how. Home schooling – you’re kidding me. I actually did put me foot down for several years when the kids would even say to me, “Mom, we want to be home schooled.” Once their little sister reached school age and the decision was made that she would be home schooled, the issue reached a head. I spoke with educators, I spoke with the children, I thought and prayed about why I felt so strongly that the answer had been no. And when it call came down to it, the only reason I was objecting was that I didn’t want “her” spending all of that time with “my” children when I couldn’t be spending that same time with them. Pretty stupid reason, huh?

So we all sat down and we talked about why they wanted to home school, why the kids wanted to be home schooled, the pros and the cons, my concerns, their concerns, the curriculum, how social needs would be addressed, etc. And thus the plan was laid. I agreed to go along with it, reluctantly, because I really didn’t have a valid objection and saw a lot of truth in what was being presented to me as reasons to home school. And as it was pointed out to me by a neutral party – 1 year at this time in their life would not ruin their educational future if it didn’t work, but that I should be prepared to commit to the entire year and not pull the plug while the bumps got worked out (as with any new endeavor).

A year later, I’m totally sold. I am however extremely glad that my kids had the socialization lessons from public school those first K-3rd & 4th years, especially when I was able to compare their small group skills to those of their peers who had always been home schooled. Oye vey! Time will tell if their siblings end up with the same difficulties since they have not had a public education exposure, I suppose. Then we’ll know if it is a matter of parental guidance or school system (or both) which provide the building blocks for that very important of life/job skill – the ability to work well with others.

It’s not always easy to work well with others. Even if you’ve grown up in a large family, you don’t always know how to interact with peers – just because you got along well enough with your brother who threatened to pound you if you touched his stuff doesn’t mean you’ve learned to work together toward a common goal. And unfortunately, even attendance at public school does not mean you’re going to learn how to “play nice” either.

It amazes me how many times our adult problems could be more easily solved if we just used those playground rules we learned as a child. Sometimes it means we have to put aside our egos to accept that what we want isn’t always what is best. And sometimes it means having to pick people for your team that aren’t necessarily the most popular or the best athlete. And sometimes, in the end, it’s about how we interact with other people that defines who we are.

I watch my kids interact with others. I see their kind and respectful natures along with their competitive spirits. And I have to believe we’re doing right by them, even with the decision to home school. For they are, indeed, being defined by the way they interact and I wouldn’t have it any other way.