Dear Cappy, Part 3

Dear Cappy,

When my ex sends my daughter to my house, she is often sent with dirty, ill-fitting or inappropriate clothing for the weekend. I have told my ex that my child support pays for my daughter’s clothing and that I want clean, appropriate clothing to be sent in the future. Instead, my ex will do something childish like send clothes that are 3 sizes too small. What should I do?

Wardrobe Monitor


Dear Wardrobe Monitor,

While it’s true that child support you pay should be used for basic things like clothing, there are times when you just need to suck it up and keep some basic clothing items at your home so that if your daughter arrives with clothing that does not fit or is not appropriate you will have a back up plan. Besides, when there is less “stuff” to send back and forth there is also less “stuff” to get lost, damaged or otherwise become an unpleasant conversation between you and your ex. Believe it or not, your daughter is fully aware of the conversations you are having with your ex, even when you don’t believe she can over hear you, and the less of these “conversations” you are having, the better for your daughter.

Take her shopping – it doesn’t have to be at the mall or the designer stores. With a bit of patience and diligence on your part you may be able to get all of the things she “needs” for very little cost. Depending on how long she normally stays with you she may only need a pair of jeans, a pair of shorts, a couple of shirts (long and short sleeve), pj’s, underwear and maybe a skirt/dress depending on the things you do together. Remember she’s not going to be wearing these clothes day after day so having a variety of things to select from is not as important. Then, when you have secured the wardrobe for your home, it becomes your responsibility to maintain it and rotate new sizes, etc in and out of the selection.

Don’t let something as petty as clothing undermine the progress I know you want to make in co-parenting for your daughter’s sake.

Happy Shopping!

Cappy