I Wish

I wish there was a way to make you see all the beauty there is in life
like sunshine and birds and warm days in November
like friends who trust each other and listen and understand and share themselves
like new relationships
like a 4.0 GPA
like smiles and laughs and special touches.

But I wish there was also a way to make you understand why I have to do this
and why the beauty doesn't matter anymore
why it doesn't comfort like it used to
and why, at the same time, it is more precious than it ever was before.

I wish there was a way to make you remember me the way I wanted to be
and not the way I was
to make you smile when you think of the time we spent together
to make you laugh when you think of the silly things we did
to make you wonder what all of the special touches meant --
you never really did understand them.

I wish you could remember me and never have any pain because of the
memories you have of me.

But I guess that is asking an awful lot when I didn't tell you what I was going to do
when I didn't let you know how I felt
when I couldn't tell you any of this.

copywrited by Stephanie November 1988