Going Home

Coming back from a long, long journey, looking for a home.
Finally found a place where I belong.
Coming back from a long, long journey, you know I can't go wrong.
Because home is where the love is, and that's where I belong.
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Even today I remember that sweet chorus from one of the many gospel artists I grew up listening to. I can't tell you the name of the artist or the name of the song, but I remember those wonderful words. Home is where the love is.

The last couple years especially have been ones of personal discovery for me. It's kind of funny how much you learn when you stop and ask yourself, "Why? How come? What if?". But a part of the discovery of self is a revisiting of things past as well. In July 2004 I had the opportunity to celebrate the 20th anniversary of my high school graduation, revisiting people and places I had not been for quite awhile. Along with that trip came a visit back to my college alma mater, coincidentally in the same town, to visit all of the remarkable structural and organziational changes, a walk down memory lane in the theater I called home for many classes, and an opportunity to share some personal history with my children.

Then in August 2005 I was able to revisit my stomping grounds in Chicago. I remember when I lived there being so daring, unafraid and independent. LOL I don't know if age or experience taught me to be more cautious this time around, but I don't recall this last trip being as unafraid and daring. I was amazed by the changes in the neighborhood I lived in (or at least in the changes my memory held of them). I delighted in the growth of the lake front and marveled at Millenium Park. Grew frustrated with myself trying to read transit maps which had exploded with new routes (or at least route segements). But realized from that trip that as much as some things stay the same, some things will ever be changing and you can never really go "home" to the way things were.

And then recently I decided to test that whole "going home" theory again - just to be sure. But instead of a physical location I used a cyber destination. Let's just say that some lessons have to be repeated, and apparently the hard way, in order to sink into this thick skull sometimes. What I discovered is that once you've closed a door, closed a chapter of your life, you have to move forward - there' s no going back. People and their perceptions change. Their memories become clouded with what if's and shades of remember when, tainted by the distance of time, and finally left wondering was it all real to begin with?

I'm blessed in my life to know some wonderful people, people I would never have known outside the internet realm. For that, I am eternally grateful. But even in the cyber world, once you've moved on, you can never really "go home". Just look for the love - that will guide you to where you need to be, not necessarily to where you were.